Tony Triumphant

I have returned my friends from my home back to California... What a day it was yesterday... I'll go in to it in detail as I go along, but let me just say that it seemed the universe was conspiring to keep me in New York and made me regret the fact that I had to leave it once again...

I began my trip to New York and to the Tony Awards by flying on Continental Airlines. NOT the best, but hell it was free! I was so excited in the days leading up to my trip that I really didn't sleep for two days. I packed and made sure I had everything I needed or might need or want. I checked it a million times and finally lay down at 4:30 in the morning. My Super Shuttle got to the house at 5 am... Oh well, power nap. Every song that played on the radio on the way to the airport was a song that meant something to me. Perhaps it was Signed Sealed Delivered and reminded me of my amazing friend who I got to sing that with and was finally going to be able to see after a year and a half being apart... Or a song that I sang to win a thousand dollars in a Karaoke contest... Things like that. I just smiled because I could see the way everything was going to be this weekend. I got the seat change I wanted on the plane and I slept most of the 5 hours that it took to cross the big land. As I landed in Newark Int. I got reception for my phone and had over 4 voice mails... Basically Weston, ( who won the contest and took me with him) was flying in to Newark from Boston where he is going to get his Master's degree. BUT... leave it to Continental... I made it across the entire country and he hadn't even left yet... He ended up being 2 hours late, but it didn't matter... I was back in the place I was born to be. Wes and I took the express bus into Penn Station. On the way there I got a text message from my friend that said, "I can feel you in the city." It was true... Everything about me was rejoicing in my return. As approached the city it was the same as the first time I ever came... It is an amazing feeling to KNOW where you belong. To have a primal recognition within your very soul as you approach. And it matters not how long you have been away. Home will always be home.

New York really is home to me. The rush and bustle of the people and the movement of the place just calls to me. It isn't something that can really be explained. I pray that you all know this feeling of knowing where you belong. I belong there... It was very poignant, like a breath that I had been holding for so long was finally released. I felt the worry and depression I have been fighting off flee from me. I really did return. And I know now that it will always be there for me. That knowledge of belonging.

We checked into the Time Hotel in the theater district off of 49th. A hip little place with amazingly comfortable beds! We arrived late due to the delays in flights for Wes. We met up with my friend Justin and we ended up having a late dinner at Dallas BBQ. I love that place! When I saw Justin coming towards me with that enormous umbrella stripped red and gold and green and blue it made me beam. There he was walking in a sea of black umbrellas shining color into the world. How perfect a metaphor. For he shines so brightly in my world. And all the love that I have for this friend of mine just exploded out of me as I dropped everything I was holding to just hold on to him. He was like coming home too.... What is it about returning to friends you haven't seen in ages? How can love be that strong? And yet it is. It remains beyond distance and time and lives within you until it can be expressed within the arms of those people you love. Words are marvelous, phone calls sublime... but holding a friend to you... hearing their breath in your ear as they hold you back... there isn't anything like it. I remember laughing. I do that all the time... Just laugh at something that tickles my fancy or makes me smile... Often no one even knows why I am laughing....I just do.... And I remember the joy being so great as I greeted first one friend and then more as the weekend went on that I laughed with all of them. It was just the voice of joy...

The next day was "let's go see some shows" day. Wes and I went and saw Sweet Charity with Christina Applegate (who was an amazing actor, but really needs help with the whole singing thing) and Hairspray (in which the understudy was better that the normal girl!) I met up with my dear friend Nathan who I haven't seen in months and we hugged so much!!!! I love that boy! He told us about the lottery for Wicked tickets and for Spelling bee so we decided to try that. While we didn't get to see either of them it was lovely hanging out with Nathan. We took the student tickets for Hairspray and I bought his ticket as a thank you for taking me. They were both really amazing. Hairspray has gotten really raunchy... Fun!, but raunchy... After seeing the matinee of Sweet Charity we went down to where Spamalot is playing. I snuck into the theater and got a playbill from the show... Then like the cheesy Broadway Broad I am I went and waited to get all the autographs... Yup! I got them all... all except the one man I really wanted to meet... Tim Curry. That man is truly one of the reasons I got into theater... He and Bernardette Peters (who shares my birthday). But alas... he didn't come out to sign autographs. While I was waiting for every one to come out (they were spacing them out) I saw that the people from The Pillowman were coming out too... Jeff Goldblum is a a favorite of mine. I used to go watch him play Jazz piano in Hollywood at the Lucky 7 when it still existed... So I went over and waited for him to come over. He would glance around the crowd and as he was looking he glanced at me and started to move on, but suddenly looked back at me and had a look on his face that said, "I think I know you." but he moved on... It wasn't too long after that when he came over to me. I told him how we had met before and it seemed to show on his face that he remembered as well... That was nice. I had my picture taken with Billy Crudup and that was fun too.

Sunday found us in the Park. Central Park of course. We walked around and took pictures. One I particularly love is of a tree whose flowers bloom on the under side of the branches... They are lovely, but can't be seen from above... It was a reminder to me to always see things from every side. to look beneath the surface of things and perhaps if you truly do, you'll find something truly lovely. I took the picture and I will cherish it as the lesson it was and is. All that day since breakfast Weston and I kept doing the same skit over and over again... HE would say to me, "So what are you doing today?" "Oh, I don't know.. why?" "Well I thought we might go to the gym or go walk around a bit." "Well," I would say, "Not so much fun..." "Well, I do have two tickets to the Tony Awards. You wanna do that instead?" "Sure.. we could do that I guess..." And then we would just go back to what ever we were doing... Well as I was taking the picture of the flowers on the underside of leaves this group of late teen to early twenty year old girls we coming by us... And Wes started in on the skit... I played along. The reaction was huge... They gasped! And kept walking along suddenly saying how lucky we were and could you believe that someone would be so offhand about the tony's?.... on and on the went as off and off they walked. IT WAS PERFECT! I went to Wes and grabbed his arm and we just laughed once we were out of earshot. We ended up sitting on the lawn close to the merry go round. How funny to hear a merry go round that plays Downtown or random songs from the 70s all having to do with NYC. It was a lovely day. Nathan came to meet up with us and we sat there and talked just the three of us. I was supposed to meet up with two more friend of mine, Joe and Michael. We were supposed to meet at Serendipity on 60th, but once we got there (after fighting our way through the Israel Day parade on 5th Ave) we found the wait was like an hour and a half... We ended up meeting them at Fluffy's on 7th ave near 56th. Once again the sound of joy came up and out of me as I hugged two more of "my Boys" as I call them. I just love them... Joe Joe Bean and I, well I don't know... we just love each other. Same of michael and I... Micheal and Weston found much to talk of as both are dakotan... Wes from South, Michael from North. Joe joe and I talked of the things that were different in me. And of course since April 19th there is a lot different about me. (See the previous post 'Diva without the Big V!') We talked of how a person can change from finally knowing and accepting every part of themselves. I have a focus I never had before. And it was amazing to see how others recognized it. How they commented on it. It was lovely. I am very comfortable in my skin now. I know and recognize my own power, and I can wield it too! It was a grand time. But soon it came time to go and get ready for the Tony Awards... Even now looking back on the vivid memories I have of that night, it remains surreal. How I dressed and got all gussied up. How great Weston looked in his suit. How I planned to sneak my camera in in a bag of tampons... (WHICH ACTUALLY WORKED!!!) How we arrived in a limo and walked the red carpet cameras flashing and people screaming even though they didn't know who the hell we were. How we walked down the carpet with Christina Applegate in front of us and Chita Rivera behind us. How one photographer asked to take a picture of my hand bag (which I got from a street vendor in time square for $20 bucks) How we walked in the side entrance reserved for the famous. The program how heavy it felt in the hand. I remembered to bring a sharpie and I waited to see who I might meet in the lobby. I talked with John Cryer (duckie from the movie Pretty in Pink) and talked with James Earl Jones. And finally... how perfect was this. I saw Tim Curry.... I swallowed ny pride and my nerves and I walked up to him and I asked him if he would excuse the interruption and would he sign my program. I told him how he was instrumental in my becoming a performer. he said, "That is very sweet thank you." and he signed it and moved on... My weekend was complete! And then it got better.... Bernardette Peters opened the show!!!! I didn't meet her, but there they were... the two biggest influences on my choice of passion and carreer all in one room. And I was actually right there with them... Our seats were front row mezzanenne. Perfect viewing. I even got some horrible shots of the stage... I was nervous they would find me and take my camera away. But they didn't. I can't even tell you how amazing it was... It is still hard to believe, even as I sit here writting of it, how it actually happened. When it was finished and Wes and I walked back to the hotel... (The homeless people and street vendors loved my outfit by the way) we changed and went and had McDonalds in Times Square... The glamour was over... but I feel like perhaps it rubbed off on my somehow. When talking with a friend later on that night, after Wes had gone back to the hotel and I went to SoHo on my own, I realized something. To quote Wicked... "I had a vision almost like a prophecy." I realized that the next time I walk down that red carpet... they are going to know who I am. They are going to ask for more that just a picture of my handbag. And I don't mean to sound as if all I desire is fame to "show them!" it isn't how I mean it... I just KNOW it... I know it. Next time they will know who i am. It was important to realize that. And it made coming back to California to finish my show Beauty and the Beast so much easier.... I know I will be back there. It is my home and while it isn't exactly this second that will bring me down that red carpet once again, it is there... That moment is coming. I was given this gift, this preview to prepare for it. To be ready to welcome it to me. For it will change so much. But not ever change that which is important to me. My family, my faith and my friends. They are my strength. And ever will remain so. The one thing I regret was not being able to see my Goddesses.... Know that I thought of you, but it just wasn't meant to be this time. I still keep your love close to me. Know that....

I was going to tell the story of the madness that insued after reaching Newark Int airport via private car service... It isn't important to this story now... While I do hope that they will actually find my bag, and while I have a cold from being in recirulated air for over 8 hours straight...yeah the story is a doosy... I want to end on a different note....

In life we get so many gifts. So many lessons that seem so unimportant until you take the chance to look on the other side. But perhaps these lessons and gifts are merely to prepare us for the challenges and victories yet to come. I had so many gifts... Revelations if you will. So where ever you are in life, be it victory or defeat, be brave enough to look at all its sides. There are lessons yet to be learned.

Love is the key I think to it all... Love what you do. Love who you are. Love what you are becoming every day. Love your friends for they help to define who you are. Just love....Accept it when it comes to you and accept it when it must go... The reasons while they can't be seen just yet are on the way. Have the faith to believe it...

I love you. Know that... No matter where you are.
S.