It's Diva, but WITHOUT the BIG "V"

Hello all....

Ok so I had another one of those days... you know the ones that you don't think are going to be any big deal until you suddenly realize a choice has been placed in front of you... And this choice deals with a question that has been on your mind a lot lately.... Yup.. that was today for me...

I began by sitting an hour and a half in traffic to be at the Doctor's office (whom I have been working for these past months) by ten am. No I don't normally have to actually go into the office. I work from the computer at home, at my own pace and just email the reports into him. Alas, he needed me in Glendale... SO off I drive. And I get set up and type and type and type away... Now Doc has a male receptionist. Cute as hell, latin with the dark hair and the light eyes. And a FLIRT!!!! I met him when I went with my sister for all those spinal appointments. (Did I mention that the Doctor I am working for and am friends with was my sister's surgeon? Oh well if I didn't- now you know.) Well we have flirted for almost a year. The last time I saw him, however, our flirting took a slight turn... it went from play to PLAY... I offered to take him home as his car was in the shop and he needed a ride. I thought Suuuure Why not! The in the car conversation ended up dealing with my lips and my electrician story that played out like a porn (and happened to take place on the Doctor's brand new leather couch in his living room... but that is another story...) anyway... suddenly we seemed to be seeing each other differently. Our perspectives had changed. He has a girlfriend so at that point we didn't take it farther than the more serious flirting. But I drove home realizing that he was able to turn me on like almost no other has ever done before... But what to do... there seemed to be no way to go forward.

Well today, like I stated earlier, was that day when I was given a choice in regards to a question I have been pondering lately. "What is the question?" you might be asking yourself. Well... I suppose it is part question and part challenge to my self. It is thus.... "Why are you a virgin at 28? And why aren't you doing anything to change it since you know you want to?" Well today the flirting continued. The first comment Javier made to me was "Damn your breasts are amazing in that top!" which wasn't derrogatory for some reason. Mostly because I think the phrase was shocked out of him. My breasts did look amazing in that top, I must say. Well we continued from there. It was a day of joking, flirting, touching casually, then not so casually.. and all at work! In a doctor's office! I took a break from typing and went up front and since there wasn't anyone in the waiting area I ended up giving him a massage. Now, there are few things I think I was just born to do, massage is one of them as perhaps some of you can attest. But when I am turned on and there is a chance the man that I am working on is attracted to me, Well HELLO! My energy just opens up and pops... Suddenly I was connecting and hitting every spot that drew a sound... you know those sounds,... the ones they can't stop from coming out of their soul when you hit that right spot!.. I hit them all....Near the end of the day he finally came to me and said... "you know, my house is really close. You could come over and take me on a test drive." it sounds so cheesy to type it, but it was actually kind of hot when he said it. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I had been in a constant state of arousal all day that anything he said was hot! Well he left by saying, "But it is completely up to you." And that is when my heart started to pound... Because It WAS up to me. I could blow it off and pass it off as a joke, or I could instead, pardon the pun, blow him off and take it absolutely seriously. And at that moment I have never been so aware of everything. My fear of stepping out of the box I have been confined in (perhaps by choice), my desire that kept sweeping over me like the eternal, elemental, god-ly tide, my wonder if I had the courage to actually do this... All these things thrust against the cavity of my chest with every beat of my heart. One constant was in my head though...I had played it so cool.... I knew he believed me to be experienced in this game. Hell I'm a performer... I made him believe I was... That was a little frightening... You see, what if I had no idea what the hell to do? All of a sudden, my heart stopped beating madly... and a warmth spread over me... For I had realized... I could be anything I wanted to be, I could be a lover and because I hadn't told him I was a virgin, I could act the wonton! I could demand what I wanted him to do to me, I could touch him any way I wanted to, I could explore him and have him explore me... I was FREE to choose how this would play out. Because I had allowed myself to be open to the fact that I AM A LOVER! So... I made up my mind. I would go to his house and then I would leave and go to my rehearsal for a fund raiser I am doing. I stopped on the way at a Walgreens and played it safe. If you are going to play, let's be honest... we MUST play safe. I took care of myself. And I did it with confidence. I didn't try to hide the fact that I was buying contraceptives... i just bought them, AND IT FELT AMAZING! I made it to his house. He was getting ready to jump into the shower... He said I coud watch if I wanted... He would leave the door open and let me decide. I decided to watch him... There is something truly amazing about the male form... The way the air tapers to a thin line as it trails lower on the body. A yellow brick road leading to the emerald city... the place of dreams... (Yeah, I know I'm waxing poetic... but come on! If ever there was a day for it, it is today) I watched him... I never knew something so ordinary, so, "I do this everyday" could be so sexy! Every sense went on alert... I drank my water and watched more water flow all down him. After he got out of the shower things warmed back up... I won't go into detail (unless you write me and ask for them) but I shed a layer I don't believe I would ever shed today... It has been that one thing that I felt holding me back, and yet I didn't choose to change it until today. And not to tute my own horn, but afterwards... He couldn't move. He even said, "I think I am seriously blind. Or at the very least paralized!" He told me that I had shattered his control. He couldn't hold on for the usual hour... I took him beyond anything he ever knew before... I think I surprized him. I know I did... And damn... did it feel good.... on so many levels!

So... here I am... the Diva- without the big "V"...
Much love,.... glowing from California,
S.- the lover.